It’s easy to condemn Carrie Bradshaw for sneaking around with Big behind Aidan’s back in season 3 of Sex and the city (Carrie, girl, I get it… Aidan was boring!) But the issue of cheating in real, non-televised relationships can be a lot harder to parse. No one wants to be cheated on, and most of us don’t want to to cheat, but it happens, and it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.
Below you’ll find all the information you need about cheating, including what can lead to it, how experts like Ester Perel view it, and how to rebuild a relationship in the aftermath. (That is, if you want to; you always have the right to walk out triumphantly, Nicole Kidman style after signing divorce papers.)
How common is cheating right?
Based on the plots of various Netflix and HBO shows you would think everyone in the world was cheating, but in fact a 2021 study found that approximately 21% of American respondents admitted to having cheated on a partner (current or previous).
What are the most common problems that can lead to cheating?
Every relationship is unique, but more and more research is being done into the emotional reasons behind infidelity. a 2021 study surveyed 495 adults recruited through a participant pool at a major US university and through Reddit message boards dedicated to relationships. Participants self-reported cheating, and analyzes of their motives revealed eight major reasons: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance. (Only a third of study participants ultimately admitted to cheating on their primary partner, with women more likely to confess than men.)
Is a partner who has already cheated more likely to cheat again?
It turns out there may be some truth to the old “once a cheater, always a cheater” maxim that Rachel’s mother espoused Friends. a Study from 2017 Research on serial infidelity found that participants who reported extra-dyadic sexual involvement (also known as ESI, or “having sexual relations with someone other than their partner”) in one relationship were three times as likely to engage in the same behavior in their next relationship. to display. relationship than those who did not. People change, sure, but… not always that much.
What if I’m the one who wants to cheat?
Relationship and sexuality expert Esther Perel delves deeply into this topic in her podcast Where should we start?, talking to a woman in a relationship she describes as healthy and loving, about her obsession with the thought of cheating on her partner. If you’re struggling with the desire to cheat in your own relationship, it might be worth listening to the entire episode, but (spoiler alert): sometimes the fantasies playing out in our heads have more to do with trauma from the past or emotional problems. than any active desire to hurt the people who love us.
How should I respond if I am cheated on?
Learning that your partner has been unfaithful can be a heavy emotional blow, and while there is no “right” or “bad” response (other than the illegal one), it can be helpful to know that you are not you are alone with your feelings. In a 2023 study on love and infidelity, researchers stated that infidelity-based trauma can lead to “feelings of extreme anger, betrayal, insecurity, anger, shame, guilt, jealousy, and sadness.” But take heart, knowing that eventually you’ll be healed enough to look back and – well, maybe not laugh, but at least stop casting mental spells on your ex.
