While moving to a new home can be exciting, it is also an upheaval of the familiar. This is especially true for children, who have little control over the decision but are still affected by the changes in their world.
Understanding and anticipating the challenges they may face is key to a smoother transition. To increase their sense of security and even optimism about the journey ahead, here are five proactive strategies to make moving easier.
1. Stress over routine disruption
Moving disrupts everyone’s routines. This can cause stress and confusion in children, especially neurotypical children or children with autism who are receiving an essential component sense of predictability and structure from routines. Fortunately, there are several ways to tackle the problem.
Explain what the changes will look like using words or even a visual diagram. This will help them expect disruptions instead of being overly surprised by them. Try to maintain certain routines whenever possible. For example, if regular snacks on moving day aren’t possible, try to stick to your child’s normal mealtime or bedtime.
2. Difficulty letting go of old things
Whether you’re traveling across the country or on the street, you don’t want to have to deal with the hassle of packing, carrying, and unpacking items you know you don’t want. This clean-up process can be challenging for children. Amid many changes, they may want to cling even more to what is familiar, including toys they have long outgrown.
Focus on giving items, not losing them. Discuss where to donate the toys they want to give away and how you can make another child happy with them. Avoid putting too much pressure on a particular item if your child shows attachment to it. Move on to other objects and eventually revisit everything you set aside. Your child may have changed his mind after practicing tidying up.
Either way, celebrate the fact that you gave it to others. While you may want to keep your packing list short, helping your child feel comfortable and safe is more important than throwing away a teddy bear that has seen better days.
3. Resentment and anger
Older children and teenagers in particular may feel that the move has been forced on them. Not having a say in a decision that uproots their lives can lead to feelings of powerlessness, which often manifest in the form of resentment and anger.
Listen and give them choice where possible. Give them space to express their anger without becoming defensive. Validate their perspective by saying, “I hear how frustrated you are, and I understand why you feel that way.”
Although they cannot veto the measure, by letting them participate in the process can make the transition easier. Give them a sense of control by asking for their opinions on houses during the house search or by giving them creative control over their new room. Feeling like a respected contributor can help diffuse their anger.
4. Uncertainty about changing schools
Starting a new school comes with its own fears, such as getting lost, not knowing the teachers, entering a new social scene and trying to fit in. This academic and social uncertainty can be intimidating for children of any age.
Demystify the experience by doing some research together. Explore the new school’s website, view photos and read about the clubs or sports teams. If you can, arrange a tour of the school before the first day so that your child can walk the halls and find his or her classroom. Contact the school to see if they have a buddy program for new students. Just knowing one friendly face on the first day can make all the difference.
5. Fear about the loss of social life
One of the hardest parts of moving for a child is leaving friends behind. The idea of losing touch with their social circle can cause feelings of sadness and loneliness. They may not have the perspective to understand that new friendships are possible and can only focus on what they are losing.
Validate their feelings and acknowledge their sadness by saying, “I know it will be so hard to leave your friends. It’s okay to be sad about that.” Help them organize a “see you soon” party or plan one-on-one farewells. You can also help them brainstorm ways to meet new people after the move. such as volunteering in community centres or local parks.
Most importantly, give them the opportunity to stay connected by exchanging contact information. Help them plan their first video call or visit a friend soon after the move so they have something to look forward to. Especially if you drive the truck yourself, you will have your hands full on the day of the move. That means you have to tow your own car properly.
From stress to strength
From the palpable stress of cleaning up to the fear of leaving friends behind, every challenge requires patience and thoughtfulness. By guiding your children through their feelings, you give them resilience and coping skills that will last.
When children feel heard, supported and more in control, they learn that they can deal with big changes. Lay the foundation so your family can truly thrive in the next chapter of your life.
Author biography
Oscar Collins is editor-in-chief of Modded, where he writes about health and fitness. Follow him on Twitter @TModded for regular updates on his work, and subscribe to Modded Minute for more!
