Empathy is the practice of giving and caring with intention. It is a superpower that is within everyone’s reach. We can all learn to be more empathetic; its brilliance is very attainable.
Showing empathy for yourself or receiving empathy from others can make it easier to cope with a health or emotional challenge. It lightens the burden. Empathy takes away the pain, heals conflict, soothes fear, brings grace to depression and lets you know you are not alone. Whether you are on the giving or receiving end, empathy is a healing act. It brings loving kindness to healing, whether it manifests in small or large ways.
The analytical mind, despite its virtues, is limited when it comes to the depth of healing and calm we can all find. Empathy connects us to the part that doesn’t have to force solutions or listen to the incessant chatter of the monkey mind. Such an exhausting mental tumult will get us nowhere but stuck. Empathy is the antidote to the panicky state of overthinking and chronic worry. Connecting to our heart is an energy changer that helps heal pain.
The highest form of knowledge is empathy, because it requires us to put aside our ego and live in someone else’s world. It is similar to tuning a musical instrument to the purest tone, frequency and pitch. We reach for our most admirable inner kindness. Practicing empathy can recalibrate our path to healthier ways of behaving and perceiving the world. It’s a game changer. We learn to live in a larger, truer part of ourselves, where we can see every situation from the most compassionate, big place.
Practice these skills to hone your empathetic superpower:
1. Give up the need to always be right
Recognize the inner opponents of empathy, namely fear, pride and ego, so you can tame them. Although you may not agree with someone, make a conscious decision to be flexible. You can respond with, “I understand what you’re saying,” to affirm their point of view, rather than bickering over opposing opinions. This is very different from people pleasing or not being true to your values. Wanting to be right is a roadblock to your heart.
2. Let go of grudges
Every day you may encounter disruptive behavior from others. It could be a snarky comment from a friend, an unappreciative family member, or a rude co-worker. These can make you feel frustrated, anxious or stressed. This is where empathy for others is difficult. But by tapping into the genius of empathy, you tune into someone else’s wavelength and resonate with it. By showing even a little empathy for the emotional shortcomings (not the unforgivable behavior) of someone who hurt you, something positive happens. By letting go of judgment and resentment, you connect with the bigger, freer you. Instead of holding grudges, focus on happier, more uplifting thoughts.
3. Practice the sacred pause
Make it a habit to pause when you’re irritated so you can respond from your best self. If you feel upset, take a moment to stop and calm down. Don’t react impulsively or say something you will regret. Take a few deep breaths to enter the pause and center yourself. Tell yourself, “Everything will be fine. I can handle this.” The sacred pause offers a moment to regroup, show yourself kindness, and move from your small self to your big, empathetic self.
4. Set boundaries
Empathy can become problematic if you don’t practice self-care and boundary setting techniques. While empathy is about connecting with one’s emotions and perspectives, healthy empathy involves discernment: checking in with your intuition and energy levels. You can tune into someone’s struggle without taking on their discomfort. Protect yourself from burnout and empathy fatigue where you have nothing left to give to others or to yourself.
Empathy is the superpower that guides us out of misunderstanding and hatred. One act of empathy can stimulate another, and then another – expanding outward to bring about positive change. But you have to learn to initiate it.
To register here for Dr. Orloff’s online webinar on empathic healing techniques based on The genius of empathy on April 20, 2024, 11am – 1pm PST.
This article is Adapted from the book by Dr. Orloff, The genius of empathy, with foreword by the Dalai Lama
Author biography
Judith Orloff, MD, is author of the new book, The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self, Your Relationships, and the World with foreword by the Dalai Lama (Sounds true, April 9, 2024). Dr. Orloff is a member of the Psychiatric Clinical Faculty at UCLA and a New York Times bestselling author. She is a leading voice in the fields of medicine, psychiatry, empathy and intuitive development.
Her work has been featured on CNN, NPR, Talks at Google, TEDx, and the American Psychiatric Association. She has also appeared in USA today; Oh, Oprah magazine; Scientific American; And The New England Journal of Medicine. She specializes in treating highly sensitive people in her private practice. More information at The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self (drjudithorloff.com).com. To register here for Dr. Orloff’s online webinar on empathic healing techniques based on The genius of empathy on April 20, 2024, 11am – 1pm PST.
